Customer Service (CS) is an area where retailers try to outdo each other. They may not be able to help the customers distinguish a difference in merchandise, but Customer Service is memorable. Customers remember when they’ve been treated poorly … or when and where they’ve been well-treated and appreciated for being nothing more than a customer.

In this regard, Kohl’s Department Store is a terrific place! For one, our local Kohl’s store isn’t situated in the mall, but in a strip mall area. This location keeps my stress level down because I don’t have to enter the nearby mall itself. (No, I don’t care much for shopping in general.) So Kohl’s is ideal for me … if a product is unavailable at Amazon or must be seen/handled before purchase, Kohl’s works for me. I can find clothing, gifts and housewares all in the same location.

Kohl’s has a return policy that is crazy good! They call it “Hassle-Free Returns” and they mean it … because as someone who changes her mind, I’ve returned plenty of things so I speak from first-hand experience. I may like an item in the store, then get home and realize the purchase was a mistake. No point in letting that hideous thing be a constant reminder hanging there in the back of my closet … it goes back to the store! Since they promise No Questions Asked – Hassle-Free returns, you’d better believe I’m going to make them keep that promise. 

If you’ve dealt with other retailers who require a pint of blood … and your first-born child (potty-trained, of course) … before they issue a store credit that expires in 30, 60, or 90 days … and you can only redeem it on Tuesday between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m., you’ll understand my affinity to Kohl’s and their return policy.

I got to thinking about the Kohl’s return policy when I read the The New York Daily News story of two white lesbians suing a sperm bank because they were mistakenly supplied with vials of sperm from a black sperm donor. The mixed race child born in August 2012 is currently being raised by two white women who claim to be confounded by the challenges of raising their bi-racial child in “an all-white environment.” The women are suing the sperm bank for damages of $50,000.

It’s an interesting dilemma that has fallen upon these two women. From all appearances, they weren’t particularly concerned about initiating a pregnancy via sperm donor. The idea that their child would suffer her entire life from fatherlessness? Not a cause for concern. The idea that their child could be subjected to scrutiny and peer pressure for having two mommies? Nope, not on the radar apparently. BUT, the texture of the child’s hair necessitating trips to a “black neighborhood” hair styling salon? Yep. Definitely a cause for ants-in-the-pants alarm and anxiety!

Of the stories I read about this suit, one mentioned concerns about racism and eugenics. Racism because the underlying attitude of the two women (despite their protestations) is that this child is less than they wanted her to be, somehow tainted by the color of her skin. Eugenics because designer babies are being produced much as we might shop through the Neiman-Marcus Christmas book … I want one of those … and one of those.

Shouldn’t we as a culture at least acknowledge that we find this commodification of children / embryos / unborn babies / etc. totally despicable???! Why would any sane society countenance such degeneracy? Arggghhh!

(Sorry, I’ll try to put on my happy face now.)

Yes, happy! Which brings me back to Kohl’s. These women have obviously not heard of Kohl’s No Questions Asked – No Hassle Return policy! The women discovered an impediment to their happiness, a challenge to their ideal world, a formidable problem requiring immediate Customer Service!

Kohl’s can handle it.

I hope the two women will march right over to their nearest Kohl’s store and take advantage of the No Questions Asked – No Hassle Return policy. They deserve action. They deserve relief! More than that, the child deserves to have a home where she will be loved unconditionally no matter what her skin color or other physical traits may be.

Knowing the people who are employed at my Kohl’s store, I’m betting any Kohl’s employee would love and cherish this little gal as if she were their own. I know I would. If the women would return this child to my Kohl’s store, I’d be there when they arrive to carry the child home with me.

Thanks, Kohl’s, your No Hassle Return policy might even turn out to be a lifesaver!