Do you ever have a day when you’re tempted to stay in bed? Today would have been an excellent day to follow that plan. In my neck of the woods, last night’s much-anticipated (though not necessarily by me) snow accumulation brought a welcome day off from school or work for many … although for some, it was already the Presidents’ Day holiday.
Or how about this? When looking back on a day just past, maybe there have been those days when you’ve concluded: I wish I had stayed in bed! That’s how I felt about today – I didn’t stay in bed, but by midday, I was thinking I should have. It was a day when, no matter what I did, I couldn’t nudge myself out of an oppressive funk!
I drank coffee, I talked on the phone, I wandered aimlessly through email, blog posts and genealogy notes, I drank more coffee, and underneath, I had this disturbing sense of restlessness and inexplicable annoyance! Finally, I read a post from A Reasonable Faith in which the author relates her disappointment that the Seattle Seahawks didn’t win the recent Super Bowl. (The post opens with a delightful comic, by the way.)
Though not a fan of either the Seahawks or the Patriots, I appreciated the author’s perspective and found myself agreeing: “Disappointment comes when life doesn’t turn out the way we would like it to.” Even as I read the post, though, I felt a lot like Lucy in the comic above … the post didn’t decrease my pique. I was crabby and cranky and I wanted the world to know it! (Maybe the fact I was home alone made me feel like yelling?)
Yes, on the heels of yesterday’s post (in which I noted Job’s suffering and the experiences of someone I admire as a modern-day Job), I found myself being surrounded by and strangled inside this cloud of funk! Making matters infinitely worse, I recognized the weighty burden of my own unthankfulness!
ASIDE: Please understand, I’m not usually captive to moodiness. I maintain a fairly positive outlook on life, so when a funk like this descends, it’s like I’m being hit upside the head! My frustration only increases.
Of course, there was an immediate cause for my frustration. Full disclosure: I had plans for my day and things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to. Sound familiar? Did you read the post at A Reasonable Faith?
If you were inclined to be kind, you could say I was disappointed, but I must admit, I was angry. Last week, I had scheduled an 11:30 a.m. appointment with a workman who was supposed to come today and perform some small maintenance jobs (handyman things). My mindset was that even if my accomplishments for the day were minimal, the workman’s completed tasks would be like a notch on my belt.
Eleven-thirty came and went, but I didn’t hear from the workman. Around noon, I phoned his business number but was immediately clicked over to an answering machine. I left a message and continued to wait on a callback … a call that never came. Eventually, I located the workman’s cell phone number and sent a text. In response, he explained his extenuating circumstances, only partially due to by the weather.
Here’s the thing … I’m still not feeling entirely charitable because my circumstances didn’t turn out the way I wanted and expected! Call it disappointment (as with one’s favored team not winning the big game), but for me, I won’t gloss over the fact I have been shamefully wallowing in and indulging sin. And I hate it!
Then why do I permit the funk to so affect me? Because inside, so much of me is still a petulant, self-centered child … and desperately in need of applying God’s amazing grace to every area of my life, most especially when things don’t go my way. How thankful I am that Christ died to save sinners like me!